Despite my air of confidence that pours out in acts of
foolery, I do in fact have a shy side. It doesn't happen often but when it does
it’s really bad, not because I lose the ability to speak or withdrawal from the
crowd, but because I become completely awkward and socially unacceptable.
The first horrid symptom is that I sweat. I pour in fact. If
you catch me in this 'phase one' of shyness you're bound to think I've just run
a marathon. Another thing I tend to do is stand pigeon toad, this I can’t
explain. I speak with a British accent almost to mask myself from the situation
and pretend I’m someone else. I snack out on the eats way more than I should,
constantly picking at the platters of food to fill my mouth so I don’t say
something profound. I pour really strong drinks too, the reason for this is obvious,
the stronger the drink, the quicker it will take me to get settled in.
Now, it really isn't often that this pang of shyness occurs,
in fact I can probably list all the times it does:
- Expat parties
- Visits to ex boyfriends parents house
On my first visit to my ex’s house we sat down to
break bread with one another, but before doing so held hands for a prayer. Me,
not having a family that eats at the dinner table much or prays before they
eat, got stuck in and started smashing my face without thanking the Lord first. I was
highly embarrassed I realised everyone around the table was looking at me waiting for my hand for the prayer. The worst part was that in the midst of my
pre-mature gut smash I dropped a piece of macaroni down my cleavage which
stayed there throughout the Lord’s prayer. I had to attempt to fish it out
after giving thanks without looking too obvious. Something I forgot to mention is
the worst thing I do when I am shy or nervous…. I swear (more than usual believe
it or not) and say things that make no sense.
On this same visit to the in laws I was too nervous to join
in the conversation and decided to wait for the perfect opportunity to say
something really smart to impress the family. What I decided to say you ask?
Me: “Do you know
why fridges smell?”
Family (looking confused as they were talking about school
teaching methods at the time): “Why?”
Me: “Because of all the food” in a ‘that’s right, I’m a genius’ tone of voice
Now this isn’t too bad, in fact in comparison to what I did
last night it’s nothing really.
Living overseas means going to a couple ex pats parties here
and there. The initial meet is always awkward because one doesn’t know who
speaks English, who speaks Spanish and therefore who do you kiss hello and who
do you not blaa blaa blaa. Most of the time you don’t know a single soul there
so you have to meet new people whilst attempting to speak Spanish, it’s all
just too much. The expat party we went to last night got the better of me. We arrived
at the party and within about one minute I’d already broken a glass. In doing
the ‘hello kiss’ rounds I managed to knock over one of the guest's beers.
Breaking host's glasses, crockery etc is always a slightly uncomfortable affair,
but there’s more. I then proceeded to walk into the kitchen and at the top of
my voice said “Sorry about that! I’m a clumsy cunt” annnnnd silence….
Everyone left the kitchen except Dennis who just stood there
staring at me in shock before saying “Chanelle, we’ve only been here for three
minutes and you’ve already broken a glass and said cunt in front of people we
have just met. You can’t do that.”
I am yet to find a solution that controls these bursts of shyness that manifest in me making a complete fool of myself. Although maybe it's not so bad, they say first impressions last. I'm pretty sure no one would forget that.
