I’d only ever bought something online once before. It was a playsuit from ASOS that I was really excited about until it arrived and it may as well have been sewn by me it was so badly made. Since then, I decided that buying things online is just way too risky. You can’t try it on, you can’t feel the material and you can’t see what it really looks like in real life. It seems silly to buy something without truly testing the goods.
(read next part in movie trailer guy voice) UNTIL... ONE DAY... I SAW... E BAY BIDDING...
A Christmas jumper for £2?! That’s great I thought so I clicked away in the hopes that I could have it for myself but was quickly warned that I needed to bid for the item and my bid needed to be above a certain amount (goddam money making bastards) so I put in a bid and received an email congratulating me on being the highest bidder! I was elated! I left like I had won a prize or that for that moment in time I was completely unique and on top of the world! I suddenly decided I liked eBay bidding and realised it could be my new favourite addiction.
Everything was going as planned until I got ANOTHER mail saying someone had out bid me. My heart dropped (the way it does when you see an ex kiss another girl/boy) and I panicked. “How dare you anonymoususer1!” I thought. I felt cheated, angry and hateful towards this person who had overidden my bid. “I’ll show you” I thought again. I fumbled over my key board and without much thought hiked my bid up by a couple of pounds. I had 1 hour and 30 mins to go and pretty much stayed glued to the screen refreshing to see if this jumper stealer had placed another bid.
My mouth became dry, my heart began to beat faster and faster as the countdown drew closer and closer. Ping! Another mail to say the same bidder had upped my bid by 50pence. HUH! “Is that all you got?!” I cursed and retaliated with an up-bid AND maximum bid. Take that fucker!
With only 1 minute on the clock and no pushback from anonymoususer1 I was getting really excited about winning this bid and even made an outloud “eeee” noise at my desk. In the last 30 seconds I noticed a link saying “learn more about bidding” which made me realise I’m a complete rooky and there is obviously some tricks and turns anonymoususer1 knows that I don’t. He’s been too quiet for too long....
5 seconds on the clock. The bases are loaded. ANNNNND..... anonymoususer1 ups his bid by 50pence in the last second! “FUCKER!” I shouted at my desk, prompting meerkat like heads from behind computer screens around my office. OH THE RAGE! I felt so exposed and a little embarrassed that I hadn’t picked up on anonymoususer1’s tactic. The final second bid. I imagined a puny computer nerd with plaque on his teeth sitting back in his chair laughing at his win right before getting called by his mother to come eat his meatloaf. I was in a glass case of emotion for about 5 minutes as I continued to search for another jumper and ended up finding one for £2 cheaper than what he paid for. MMWWOOHAHA....Till we meet again anonymoususer1
