confessions of a fussy eater

It's taken me 24 years to admit I'm a fussy eater. The ongoing debate between me and my boyfriend was that there is a difference between fussy and picky. I refer to Sally Albright's order from the epic When Harry met Sally film.

"I'd like the chef salad, please, with the oil and vinegar on the side. And the apple pie a la mode....But I'd like the pie heated, and I don't want the ice cream on top. I want it on the side. And I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it. If not, then no ice cream, just whipped cream, but only if it's real. If it's out of a can, then nothing."

To me, that is fussy. Not saying you don't like a food but you like your food a certain way.

I don't eat meat, fish or fruit. To me - that is picky. Well I don't know if you can call excluding 3 whole good groups from your diet picky. It might be more odd than picky. Anyway. I don't eat any of those. I don't eat meat because red meat gives me the trots and makes my gas smell like a morgue with a broken thermostat and also because I watched too many documentaries on how they actually made meat which put me off, so it's partly a moral decision.

I don't eat fish because it is a food that has NEVER smelled good to me. I can't understand why someone would want to eat something that smells bad? When I go to the harbor and smell the fish it makes me feel ill and I couldn't imagine something that is often eaten with it's head in tact and smells the way it does.

I wish I could eat fish, I really do, but I have tried and I just can't. I won't even start on prawns. Barbaric it is - to break off a head of a wirery  crustacean before eating its insides. 

"You're a good person."

Now this is where things get weird. The fruit part comes in and coincidences with  more of an OCD issue rather than a fussy eater issue. I'll eat apples in a pie or strawberries in a daiquiri, or have lemon with a tequila or lime with a gin  or a humiliated grape in the form of a raisin, but I won't eat any raw fruit, off the tree or out the bowl. I'll eat an apple but only if it is peeled and ridded of any imperfection including bruising, marks or insects. I do eat and love watermelon, avocado and tomatoes but it was only recently that I was able to prepare my own avo without being scared I'd find something in there I didn't like that would put me off the food forever. Last but not least, I have a morbid fear of bananas where even if I am in close proximity to one I feel uncomfortable.

Now, I bet you're all wondering why on earth I've got such an aversion to fruit? Well, physiologists have said (strangely enough I've never been to one, but maybe I should?) that most of our fears and dislikes as adults develop when we're children and can't understand or process something we've seen. It gets stored in a folder somewhere in our mind and more often than not we can never unsee what we saw that made us feel a certain way about something. I remember going to a friends house when I was younger and they always had a bowl of fruit on the table. The fruit was always slightly off, had that musty fruity smell and was often bruised or had 'miggies' around it. From that point on I just couldn't understand how people could eat something that didn't look nice to eat and unfortunately I've never been able to move forward. 

Good news is there is no vegetable I don't eat (excuse the double negative) so nutritionally I am in the clear! The other good news is that my odd dislikes or fears don't come up on the top 13 most unusual phobias list. In fact, I have a great like for all the things on that list including cheese, navels, sleeping, trees and rain so maybe not so weird after all.