The flamboyantly named but ultimately tasteless, tiny portion of miss matched food recipe to impress people

If you have had the opportunity (or should I say misfortune) of eating out at a fancy restaurant you don’t need me to tell you that their food is always ridiculously over priced for what you get and most of the time not even that tasty. You end up leaving the restaurant with guilt that you have just spent your rent money on dinner AND you are more than likely still starving and end up hitting up some drive through to fill you up.

The focus of this piece is not to rat on the prices of this pretentious food but rather the choice of names and ingredients people use in an effort to impress consumers.

Rule of thumb – the longer the name and the weirder the ingredients the more fancier you will come across.

Entering ´easy starter s´ into Google gave me endless sites to choose from to find a recipe but when looking at the recipes I found; the only thing I could think was ¨what the fuck?!¨ It would probably take me longer to read out the title of the dish than to actually make the thing. The ingredients were just awful AND they were NOT easy! It seems that it’s not about mixing flavours of two food types to get one good combined flavour but rather about taking two completely uncomplimentary food types and hashing them together just for the sake of colour or to let your consumer know ¨yes! We are unique and original and inventive! ¨ (even though we might make you choke on our dish)

Here are some examples:

Cheesey Reuben starter (Betty Crocker) – who is Reuben and who is Betty Crocker? DON’T CARE! Cheesey starter would have sufficed thank you.

Easiest stuffed cherry tomatoes – Easiest? Stuffing things is hard enough but now you want me to stuff something as tiny as a cherry ? Easiest would be stuffing a regular sized tomato actually.

Pink Ham starter ball – just in case you didn’t know, ham is pink, yes.

Chilled cucumber and apple soup – good thing it is chilled because if it was hot it would be horrible! Oh no wait. It still is!

Avocado boats – with a side serving of caramel cars?

South Western Cheesecake – phew! I´m so glad I know the origin of my cheesecake! It´s lovely but could you perhaps also tell me the coordinates?

Soothing sweet potato soup – because if I´m feeling stressed there’s nothing that calms me down more than a bowl of soup!

Lobster claw and potato salad with horse radish and mustard dressing – I´ll have that minus the herd of animals it comes with.

Garden egg salad – eggs freshly picked from the garden!

Gravlax - okay. Simple name but I couldn’t help but think judging the dish purely from the name that this consists of gravel and laxative.

These are just some of the dish names one could expect from a 5 star restaurant - and do they sound appealing to you? Probably not.  Anyway, the choice is yours but remember you get what you pay for and in the case of fancy restaurants you pay per letter of the name of your dish.