South Africa 101

Everyone has perceptions and assumptions of a country and tend to associate it with a single thing. 


Germany - Hitler (although I think they are making a come back after the Audi)
Switzerland - chocolate
Australia - kangaroos
Holland - tulips is it?
Jamaica - weed



Since living overseas I have met loads of foreigners and really live for exchanging stories about our relative home countries. In Argentina, people are shocked , but excited to hear that I am from South Africa. In most cases their response is  "but you are white?" or "but you are not black?". In some cases it is "waka waka world cup" and in rare cases I get asked if apartheid is still going on. As far as expats go, they usually ask about crime and politics in my country. Everyone who I have met speaks of Mandela and that never fails to make me cry with pride. 


The facts...


South Africa is beautiful 

Cape Town

We don´t have lions in our gardens or streets


We do however have amazing wildlife parks where you can see the BIG 5 - lion, African elephant, cape buffalo, leopard, and rhinoceros

The Big 5

Our flag looks like this

not this... 

I say this becuase I have a handbag with a South African flag on it and when asked where I was from, after pointing to the bag the man responded with
" REALLY?! JAMAICA?!" 


Our favorite places to eat

Wicked burgers, ribs and salad

A braai (said like brrrr when you are cold with an eye on the end - like brrrrreye)

The best burgers and chip salt 

African people luuurve their chicken

We have 11 official languages


Afrikaans, English, Ndebele, Northern Sotho, Sotho, Swazi, Tswana, Tsonga, Venda, Xhosa and Zulu.


This is me singing a song in Zulu to some ladies at a night club back home and serenading a bride to be in Argentina. 

This is how it´s really done...

Our team is the Springboks (not the Pumas) We also like soccer

We got talent

and some music legends

The vuvu-zela comes from South Africa not Venezuela 

Some SAFFA slang


befok  -  really cool
ag man  -  something we say when we are annoyed or see something cute (you need to sound like you are bringing phlegm up from your throat when you say the g)
bablaas  -  hangover. Said bub-ah-lus.
boet  -  it means brother. It´s like buddy. 
poes  -  is a vagina and is used as a curse word. People might say "jou ma se poes" which means "your mothers vagina"
kak  -  is poo. Pronounced cuk. Can use it for anything. Kak cool, kak bad, this is kak, you talk kak, you´re in kak. 
kwaai  -  is cool or phat.
stompie  -  is a cigarette butt
sis - grose
isit - we use this one a lot. I suppose it means "did you really?" or "is that so?" . If someone says "I went downtown today." We would say "isit?"
just now - this never fails to confuse people. ´just now´means not immediately but in the near future. " I´ll see you just now"
now now - comes after ´just now´ . It is in the even nearer future. "yes, I said I´m on my way. I´ll see you now now" 




Our favorite word is YA!
Sounds like car. We use this for everything. For yes, when we are confirming we understand something, when we are in disbelief (ya?) like seriously? We also say ya/no. It means yesno, which one would think doesn't make sense, but it does in SA and we use it when we mean to say sort of or kind of.


We like eachother

seek and ye shall... huh?

One can only assume that Google works out its search suggestions by gathering information on what has been most searched for in the past. Right? If this is the case, there are a hell of a lot of people searching for weird things. Whats even scarier is that they chose to ask Google questions or for advice as to what they should do. I decided to take a couple minutes out of my day to enter in the first few words of a sentence, or just a few words and see what search suggestions Google gave me. I found them to be rather amusing.

is it okay

I admit I have Googled ´things to do when you are bored´and also ´what should I cook for dinner?´but I definitely don´t ask Grandpa Google if I should have centipedes in my vagina. I really don´t think you need to ask someone if that is okay. No insect, animal or any other thing except a penis or tampon should ever be in your vagina!

is it

Google really went all out on giving me a broad list of suggested items. 

is it down - is what down?

is it Christmas - seriously?

is it safe in Mexico - we´ve covered Christmas and directions now lets suggest you read up on the dangers of traveling in Mexico.

is it up - next stop if it isn't down.

should i 

Sentences beginning with should I seem to be on a more serious note:

should i refinance - its your money we talking about here. serious.

should i get a flu shot - its your health. serious.

should i stay or should i go lyrics - umm,okay. Let´s just throw some lyrics into the mix, maybe you can listen to it while getting your flu shot. 

can we

It looks like can we all pertains to weed smoking. If you can´t get higher and the weed hasn't killed you then try having a chat, just make sure you don´t chat for too long in case your weed goes off. 

i can´t 

Guys, if it is one thing you take from this blog, let it be that if you have lost your phone, you must know never to think of where you had it last or try call it. Google it. 

i didn't
Pregnancy really creeps up on people these days. If only there was a way to know. Something like, hmmm, your belly getting bigger orrrrr hurling in the morning or something like missing your monthly. Sneaky babies. I didn't ask for this happens to fall directly under I didn't know I was pregnant which is quite convenient.  

 


penis
Of course I had to throw in something like penis and I was surprised (considering the former search results) that peninsula is the first suggestion that comes up. When penis does eventually come up in the suggested search list it is coupled with ulcer. Greeeeaaat!

bear to swear

Any one who knows me will be able to tell you that I swear like a sailor. In fact it would probably be one of the five things that would stick out in your mind if you met me. I´m getting better with age, but letting go the ´f´word is proving to be rather difficult for me.


Society has made swearing such a taboo thing to do. I cannot tell you how many people I have had look at me in utter disgust for saying fuck in public. It is as if they have just witnessed a murder. Kids are like sponges when it comes to picking up swear words and I admit that it must have come a shock when my sister picked up her doll in play school and said "this baby has fucking crapped in her pants again" but is swearing really as bad as everyone says or makes it out to be? 


Much like any other string of letters, curse words are modes of speech that are part of the human language and research has shown that it is an under appreciated anger management technique. 

Keele University researchers Stephens, Atkins, and Kingston found that swearing relieves the effects of physical pain. Stephens said "I would advise people, if they hurt themselves, to swear" 

see wiki article here

I am a big accidental toe stubber and I can tell you that if I yelled "oh you naughty table leg. look what you´ve done!" as opposed to "fucking hell!" it wouldn't make me feel as good and calm after the fact.


Out of all the words in the human language I struggle to find the ones that have as much versatility as what curse words do. The usage of shit for example.

You´re the shit! (authority) 
You´re in shit! (trouble)
That´s shit! (something bad)
That´s the shit! (something good)
I´ll shit myself (shock or suprise) 
and of course a single shit (poo poo)


From a pure language appreciation perspective , swear words, are actually pretty good!


I do admit not all swear words are the acceptable given the situation (I´m not about to call my work colleague a stupid cunt) but some are more acceptable than others and if you enjoy dropping the odd ´f bomb´- see where it lies on rank of unacceptability of words. 

from the 2009 BSA survey

To sum up - if you want to be mean ´cunt´should be your word of choice. Unless you are referring to a cunt splice (a type of rope for rigging ships) , cunt hair (used in the 1950´s to describe a very small piece of hair) or cunt-eyed (refers to a squint person)

 "Ain't it a shame that you can't say "Fuck"
Fuck's just a word and it´s all fucked up"


Fred Durst couldn't have said it better and fuck is just another versatile curse word that can be used as a verb, adverb, adjective, imperative, interjection, and noun. Fucked, get fucked, fucker, fuck, fuck up, fucked up, fuck with, fuck off, fuck you. It is really an all purpose word. Putting fucking before any word instantly charges the word to follow with great effect. If Jack said "I´m tired" and Jill said "I´m fucking tired" one would tend to think Jill was far more tired than Jack. 


Fuck and shit are just two out of many curse words that have built up a portion of our English language. If you chose to curse, your mouth isn't dirty, it is simply practicing the articulate form of tabooed language. 

memora-mental moments

I couldn’t possibly begin my 2012 blogs without acknowledging at least some of my memora-mental (mental and or memorable) moments in South America from 2011.

I have seen most of the great (but mostly average) sites of Buenos Aires, Brasil, Chile and Uruguay, but pipe down isn’t a blogspot to bore you with site seeing information. I am sure you have heard someone say that living in a place is always completely different to spending a holiday there. The novelty wears off quickly and very soon you are left with a feeling of long winded culture shock, difficult adjustments to make and in my case hours and hours of utter boredom!

It is much like the partial theme of one of my favourite movies, Jarhead. And not just because of this...

When people think war, they think heroes, action, fighting and any other romanticised notions about war, but that’s only the half of it. Troopers find themselves in the grounds where nothing goes on and they are just there in case something does. Time is spent wasted away entertaining yourself with whatever you can (which usually leads to slight mental - ness)

This post is dedicated to two brave men who not only braved living in Argentina, but fought the battle of boredom alongside me and either made me crazier, or kept me sane (I´m still not sure which one) 

meeting dennis

meeting ricky

the ¨no pants dance¨ at Sugar Bar

A typical week night spent at the local ex-pat bar – Sugar. People were being boring. So I suggested we do something to take things up a notch. ¨should we take our pants off and go dance? ¨. Dennis responded with an enthusiastic ¨yes!¨ and within a nanosecond, there we were…

for lack of a more quirky title, Hang Gliding in Rio

System of a Down concert – is all I really need to say

Buenos Aires Bucket Beat Boy

I don’t really like shopping, so Florida road isn't my favorite , but spotting this dude pretty much made my day.  

boredom = silence and silence = piercing

Ricky and I were out of ideas for something to do after work. A tattoo and piercing parlor close to the office seemed worth checking out. The outcome: a tragus and nose piercing.

mental MAC recordings

Much of our time was spent filming ourselves being mental. I could pretty much create a separate blogspot just for the mental MAC videos, but here is one of them.

Porteños Putos get an ass kicking in Copa America semi finals

A last minute weekend away to Montevideo in Uruguay would have been hella boring if it weren't for the fact that it was the Copa America semi finals that weekend. A massive big screen TV was put up on a building in one of the main squares in the city and literally thousands of people gathered in the square to watch the game. I don't think I knew what tension really was until I stood in amongst the crowd of Uruguayans that night as they watched their team play Argentina. A schizophrenic group to say the least. Cheering like they'd found fire for the first time and then cursing like a high Harry Potter. The second that final goal went in, people - went - mental! The jovial mass made their way to one of the towns main monuments where they climbed up super high statues, waved flags, drank wine from the bottles, belted out songs and chanted ¨Porteños Putos¨ for hours. One of the most amazing things I have had the luck of being a part of. Rubbish recording, but a brief snippet of us walking down the street where it all went down.

hungover, but mostly still drunk mornings at Tribeca II

Some Saturdays we woke up hungover. Most Saturdays, we woke up still drunk. One of my favorite memora-mental moments took place when Dennis started to provide commentary for people on a salad dressing bottle. The ¨if groceries could talk¨ game grew from there.

weed be glad to not to that again
Another boring Sunday. Dennis and I decided to take a walk to Recoletta park. A rusta orientated ambiance comes with a fair few people walking around with baskets of chocolate and almond flavored brownies. For lack of something better to do we decided to buy 5. On empty stomachs and at a rapid pace, we ate 3 between 2 of us and only after that the seller told us to have 1 between 2. Very quickly we lost feeling in our legs, were laughing our asses off and were battling to swallow. It was enjoyable for the first few hours but as minutes went on we hit the total paranoia phase. Dennis was convinced we were being followed and I was sure our friend Bill and Keith were in the room next door sharpening panga´s to come and slaughter us. It was one of the most mental and memorable moments I have had to date. I wish I had filmed it, but I couldn't hold myself up let alone a camera. This is the only photo I have from that day. 

fireworks error

I have to say that this is definitely my most mental moment. It was my first time celebrating the 4th of July, and this is how it went...

There were many more memora-mental moments and I kinda wish I´d started my blog earlier, to share all my blog worth day to day experiences in South America, but let me not dwell on what I could of done and be thankful that I could have done it at all.

Thank you to my fellow mental men who made my year here worth more than I can express in just this one blog. goodtoknow