wax on, wax off

Waxing, plucking, shaving, blow drying, straightening, cutting, dying, tweezing, squeezing, steaming, poking, pricking, cutting, trimming, the list is ´beauty-fying´ experiences goes on. Not only are all of these things expensive, but they are all fucking painful! 


I have had facials that have brought me to tears, eyebrow plucks that have grabbed and pulled off bits of my skin, eyelash dye run into my eyes blinding me for hours , face masks on my skin that I can only assume were made from pure acid and many other painful experiences. But the worst, the absolute worst, is the bikini wax...


I´m sure we all agree that this...

Looks better than this...

(FYI - neither of the above images are me. Unfortunately and fortunately for each respective image)


If you´re the tree hugging type,then all natural fur burgers might be okay for you, but in my experience, men prefer just the patty. What this means for them is a nice clean, good looking canvas. What it means for me is 20 minutes of absolute pain and discomfort with my legs spread on a communal table with a complete stranger pouring hot wax all over my va-jay-jay and then ripping it off with such force I have to think about if I am having a wax or being tortured for information. 


Some women don´t mind the pain but I do. I really do...


After about 10 bikini waxes, I have learnt to handle them the way I handle most things.. with alcohol. It was my friend Chelsea´s first time getting her hoo-hoo waxed and this was my advice to her:

• have a couple of shots before you go
• wear a free flowing dress with no undies for easy access
• don´t look down
• and breathe...