have you seen this stripper?

When I arrived in Australia after a month of travel around South East Asia, my bank balance looked crimp and with beers at R80 a pop I knew I had to find some kind of work. So off I went to post an ad on good ol' Gumtree. They say you get more responses if you post a photograph of yourself and being the relatively attractive person that I am, despite the odd zit, I happily uploaded my photo. The photo by no means said "I'm a stripper" and in no way read "I'm looking for strip work" but nevertheless the offers to work at some of Adelaide's finest strip clubs came pouring in...

Some women may have found it offensive being asked to do such work, I however, was completely flattered, as was my boyfriend who glowed with pride when I told him about offers. What was even more appealing was the pay. Up to $100 an hour - cash in hand job. Get it? I have many years experience in drunken tit flashing and skinny dipping so I thought it would be nice to get paid for it for a change.

You gotta hand it to these okes. They call perfect strangers to ask if you would take off their clothes for perfect strangers. So, I listened and chatted to them about what my potential duties would be. Of course they can't jump right into "will you take your clothes off for money?", they have to beef it up a little before they get to that. Would you like to waitress turns into would you mind waitressing at an adult nightclub which turns into will you waitress in lingerie, which then turns into do you dance, followed by will you dance in lingerie which finally ends in actually we don't have any waitress jobs but would you be interested in being a stripper.

One offer came from a private adult club which apparently hosted many celebrities and diplomats. My duties would have been serving drinks, sitting on the customers laps, allowing them to fondle me and finally a private show with a happy ending. I could feel my hands getting sticky already, but this was just because I get sweaty palms when I'm put on the spot. Up to $1000 in a nights work for tugging a strangers willy.

On one occasion, I received a phone call from a Middle Eastern sounding man in the early hours of the morning. I asked him what type of work he had for me and he responded by saying that he didn't actually have work for me, but was new to the area and was looking for a friend. I sensed it wasn't the 'lets go for coffee and a movie kind of friend' so I told him I didn't do that kind of work. He called another four times or so.

On another occasion a promising offer came from a man and his partner who owned a bakery and needed someone to handle shop in the front. Everything sounded good until he (who up until this point I actually thought was a she) asked me to come in wearing tight pants or a skirt because he wanted to get more male customers in. He then proceeded to ask for my address so he could drive to where I was staying and meet me. This was at 10pm on a Monday night.

I had a couple calls from 'Dads' asking about 'babysitting', yet they never mentioned their kids. All they ever asked really was if I did any 'extras'...

I envisioned what it would be like to be a stripper. I even came up with a name for the book about it: "piece by piece". In the end though I just couldn't go through with it. I wish I had the balls to be a stripper or work slut. I do have the bottom, just not the balls. I turned down all the offers to show my arse, tits or legs for money and got a job as a nanny.