traveling beans - part 1 - Bali

Durban, Johannesburg, Doha, Singapore, Bali. I was so nervous for my 19-hour flight, I started drinking at 9am. By 11am I had had five Hunters dry and a shot of Jager. I figured if I drank enough I would pass out on the flight to kill time. When I got on the plane, I promptly ordered two bottles of mini wines, drank those and then dozed off…

My sneaky beer in a coffee cup at the airport - it was before 12am so the waitress had to disguise the alcoholic beverage

My plan had failed. I woke up an hour later with one of the worst hangovers I have ever had. A headache from hell and a mouth as dry as a nun’s fanny. I had misplaced my headache tablets (oh the horror!) , so had to settle for drinking 8 bottles of water to rid me of my pain (thankfully I was on the aisle seat). As my headache subsided I began to do one of my most favourite activities to do on a plane - watch people...

The first passenger that I took notice of was a Monopoly man lookalike (except a fat one). A pain in the arse Deutschman that would just not stop complaining. He was badgering the air-hostess to no avail. I felt sorry for her. She was clearly frazzled by the man and ended up knocking his steaming hot cup of coffee all over him. He yelled out, took a few deep breaths until the burn subsided and then began unbuttoning his shirt. He had accrued a pretty harsh burn on his stomach. I suggested putting butter on it as I had heard somewhere that butter was good for fresh burns…I was wrong, so the Deutschman was now burnt and buttered. Other passengers I studied: a whiny kid with a mullet and a MILFY mom breastfeeding her kid…

You can't see her face but you can tell from her kids head that she is a fine looking MILF

 

The flight was long and painful and I was so happy to finally be back on the ground in Bali! 

I finally understood what people had told me about “sensory overload” in Asia.  Kuta was overwhelmingly busy. There is a constant sound of hooting, tooting and grumbling from the hundreds of scooters that buzz up and down the little streets. The market streets are coated with stores selling Bingtang singlets , dirty word stickers, wooden penises and of course "mushroom for sale" signs . 

 

We visited a village where the locals specialize in seaweed curing for export to make creams and stuff. I kind of felt bad for the locals who were forced to pose with the tourists as if they were some kind of animals, it was an inspiring tour nevertheless. 

Kuta beach was filthy - litter everywhere. Even so, it was a great place to get a pedicure, have a beer and watch the sunset...

Bintang box foot rest/beer holder

Dennis getting his pedicure on (pink varnish and flowers included)

The local surfers/beer sellers

We decided to head off to the Gili Islands for a few days (emphasis on the ‘s’ on the end of island) - there are three of them.  I can’t remember their names, but we got off the boat at the wrong one. We skipped the main tourist infested one and landed on the third. We were taken to what we thought was our final destination by a horse pulled cart - very rural. We were happy for it though. It was more rustic and much more peaceful than the other islands. We had a reed bungalow right on the beach overlooking the whitest sand and the bluest ocean...

The view from our daily meal spot and bungalow

Never a shortage of "shrooms for sale" signs

The beach was covered in bone dry coral, so a bit tricky to perfect that sexy beach run I'd been working so hard on

 We pretty much spent every evening with a Bintang in hand watching the sunset...

Sunset on Balangan beach

Bean 1 and Bean 2 in Beany sunset shot

Lucky me

There is an abundance of temples in Asia. At first you 'oooooh' and 'aaaah' at their majestic beauty, but you get used to them.  This one was in Uluwatu and had hundreds of monkeys residing there. It was kinda like that scene from 'The Jungle Book'. After mozie-ing around the temple, we had the chance to watch the Kecak Dance -  a traditional Balinese dance/play comprised of topless men sitting in a circle jolting, humming "cak, cak, cak" and making all sorts of other noises as if to evoke spirits or something.   

The drop from the temple

All visitors to the temple have to wear these little sarongs

The Kecak Dance

The nightlife in Kuta is great! They have play live music in chilled out surfer and reggae bars and plenty or 'ummtttss ummttss' night clubs too. The drinks were always really beautifully presented and people were always friendly...

My play it safe strawberry daiquiri

Uncle Norms Bar - Kuta

Bali was awesome. I didn't 'find myself' or anything like that. It's far too noisy for that but, the food was always good, beer was always flowing, boobs were always out, beaches were always amazing and sunsets - always beautiful... 

Beany saying number 102 - "next stop Thailand!"